Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.