Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
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Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
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The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
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A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
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Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.
He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
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