The best death jokes

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Vote:
has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Vote:
has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.
Vote:
has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
Vote:
has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
Vote:
has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Vote:
has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, tax, work
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Vote:
has 45.60 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
Vote:
has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
Vote:
has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
Vote:
has 45.39 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
<<<46474849
More jokes →
Page 46 of 60.