A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".
Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!" At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same beer. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death. The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"