The best death jokes

Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, terrorist
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, cop, death, work
Chuck Norris isn't just a name, it's a cause of death.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, game
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
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has 51.58 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
Death has a shadow... Chuck Norris
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The last thing that you see before you die, is Chuck Norris.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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