The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
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It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.
Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside.
It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".