The best death jokes

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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More jokes about: death, military
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
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More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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More jokes about: blonde, car, couple, death, winter
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama so fat she died.
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More jokes about: alcohol, death, fat, insulting
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
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More jokes about: animal, death
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
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More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
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More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
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More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, death, music
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, school