The best death jokes

We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
Vote:
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Vote:
has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
Vote:
has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
Vote:
has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
When Light wrote Chuck Norris' name in the Death Note, the book died.
Vote:
has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway? He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
Vote:
has 51.45 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: black humor, black people, death
Death has a shadow... Chuck Norris
Vote:
has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The last thing that you see before you die, is Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
Vote:
has 51.28 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, marriage, travel, wife
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
Vote:
has 50.97 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
<<<45464748
More jokes →
Page 45 of 59.