The best death jokes

The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.

They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?

This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

Chuck Norris knows who's buried in Grant's Tomb.

Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.

Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.

The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion. No episode aired, as no one survived.

Chuck Norris is proof that legends never die.

Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"