The best death jokes

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, money
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
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has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, fish, time
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, work
Guns can kill, Chuck Norris does!
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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has 47.15 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: death, women
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
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has 47.06 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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