The best death jokes

2PAC once thought he was tougher than Chuck Norris... he was later murdered.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, music
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death, health, life
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, love
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
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has 53.58 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
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has 53.57 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ." "That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
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has 53.54 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, money, wife
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
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