Chuck Norris knows who's buried in Grant's Tomb.
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The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion.
No episode aired, as no one survived.
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Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.
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A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
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The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
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Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!
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Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died?
A: A black widow.
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Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.