The best death jokes

If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
Vote:
has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.
Vote:
has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, life
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
Vote:
has 48.37 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
Vote:
has 48.14 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, jewish, sex
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Vote:
has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, money
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
Vote:
has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Vote:
has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, fish, time
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
Vote:
has 47.63 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, flirt, sex
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Vote:
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
Vote:
has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, sport
<<<44454647
More jokes →
Page 44 of 60.