Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.