Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died? Everyone at Apple are crying their's out!
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Knock knock? Who's there? Hitler! Hitler who? You Know, the man who kills jews.
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.