The best death jokes

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Yo mama so fat she died.
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, death, fat, insulting
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, lawyer
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, math
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor
One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Vote: has 35.87 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, cop, death
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
Vote: has 35.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Vote: has 35.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, military
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
There was a blonde who tried to hang herself and a diffrent blonde came in and saw her hanging from her stomach and said," your supposed to hang yourself from your neck. And she said," i tried that but i couldnt breath.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, death