Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.