Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
Chuck Norris killed the devil and is selling his own line of Picks of Destiny, available in all Chuck Norris approved guitar shops.
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times? A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigga in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."