Chuck Norris killed the devil and is selling his own line of Picks of Destiny, available in all Chuck Norris approved guitar shops.
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigga in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.