The best death jokes

Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, Yo mama
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, death, parrot
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, work
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Vote:
has 49.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, fish, time
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Vote:
has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
Vote:
has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Vote:
has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.
Vote:
has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: baby, death, morbid, poems
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote:
has 49.31 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Vote:
has 49.00 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
<<<48495051
More jokes →
Page 48 of 59.