Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.