The best death jokes

Roses are blue My thumb's got a sliver I drank far too much and I'm killing my liver.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, drunk, poems
Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, death, morbid, poems
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died? A: A black widow.
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has 51.00 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, ethnic, racist
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, food, life
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: age, death, life, time
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, money
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
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