The best death jokes

A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
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has 53.46 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: death, friendship, marriage, wife
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ." "That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
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has 53.31 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, money, wife
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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has 52.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
Q: Why are black people so afraid of ghosts? A: Because they are haunted by dead kkk members!
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has 52.63 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, marriage, money, wife
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, morbid, sport, winter
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, time
Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, game
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
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