Roses are blue
My thumb's got a sliver
I drank far too much and I'm killing my liver.
Mary held her little daughter,
twenty minutes under water.
Not to care for any troubles,
just to look at those funny bubbles.
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died?
A: A black widow.
Vote:
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Vote:
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Vote:
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear.
They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"