The best death jokes

Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray? A: Family research.
Vote: has 51.86 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, family, jewish, war
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Vote: has 51.86 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, death, jewish, morbid
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, death, life, time
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Vote: has 51.08 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, money
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
Vote: has 50.15 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: christian, death, jewish, mean
Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.
Vote: has 49.93 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, fat, Yo mama
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote: has 49.76 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital