Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."
Yo mama is so black, she died on the sun.
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
Chuck Norris is who killed Kenny.
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."