The best death jokes

English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
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has 41.18 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: car, death, military
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
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has 41.06 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: death, military, office
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
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has 40.53 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
When Light wrote Chuck Norris' name in the Death Note, the book died.
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has 40.53 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: Why are black people so afraid of ghosts? A: Because they are haunted by dead kkk members!
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has 40.25 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris.
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has 40.24 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
Why did satan die before judgment day, Chuck hated him.
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has 40.24 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, religious
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
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has 40.24 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke. The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.
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has 40.23 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, knock-knock
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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has 40.09 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
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