Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can kill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? A: Santa comes down the chimney.