Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Did you hear about the two dumb blonds who went two the drive in theater and froze two death they went two see closed for the winter?
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
The Boyfriend says to his blonde girlfriend, "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up in the sky and says "Where?"
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times? A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died? Everyone at Apple are crying their's out!