The best death jokes

The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
Vote:
has 38.42 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, jewish, mean
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
Vote:
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, death, parrot
In the game "Clue", the murder is always committed by Chuck Norris, with a roundhouse kick, in any room he danged well pleases.
Vote:
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Vote:
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, music
Q: Where did OP go in the explosion? A: Everywhere.
Vote:
has 37.97 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, terrorist
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
Vote:
has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
Vote:
has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, sport
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Vote:
has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Q: Why are black people so afraid of ghosts? A: Because they are haunted by dead kkk members!
Vote:
has 37.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
Vote:
has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, nurse
<<<53545556
More jokes →
Page 53 of 60.