The best death jokes

A Gujarati Funeral… A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha, I am sending Puj. Ba’s dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT, India. Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids. Please divide these among all of you. Near Ba’s feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct! Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take it. The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews. Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally. Yours loving sister, Anubhavi P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days…
has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, life
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Halloween, teen
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
has 46.29 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: death, women
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, wedding
A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said: "Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
has 45.48 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, music
English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: car, death, military
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
has 44.62 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: baby, dead baby, death, Yo mama
Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died? Everyone at Apple are crying their's out!
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: death, sport
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