The best death jokes

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: death, sport
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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has 32.63 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
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has 32.18 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: bird, death, math, parrot
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
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has 32.12 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, school
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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has 31.97 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife. Boy:- papa mom has died. father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, wife
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: - Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: - Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. - But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: - I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. - But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. - Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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has 30.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time
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