The best death jokes

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: death, sport
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
has 34.88 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
has 34.69 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, military
Q: What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew? A: A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.
has 34.12 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, jewish
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking? A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
has 32.82 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, phone
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
has 32.63 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
has 32.18 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, math
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