Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later.
The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Q: What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
A: A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking?
A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
Vote:
A: How do children in Baghdad do?
A: Bombastically.
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor."
"But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
Vote:
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife.
Boy:- papa mom has died.
father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America
Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.