The best death jokes

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer. “Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.” “But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer. “Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”
has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
has 33.09 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, death, music
Q: What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew? A: A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.
has 32.95 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: death, jewish
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
has 32.82 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, morbid, sport, winter
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, lawyer, medical, money
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
has 32.30 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death, health, life
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking? A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
has 32.17 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, phone
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
has 31.97 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, math
Death once took Chuck Norris. He regreted it.
has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife. Boy:- papa mom has died. father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
has 31.48 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, wife
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