The best death jokes

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: death, sport
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Q: What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew? A: A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.
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has 34.61 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: death, jewish
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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has 33.86 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking? A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
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has 33.50 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, phone
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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has 32.63 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
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has 32.12 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, school
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife. Boy:- papa mom has died. father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, wife
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
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has 30.74 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: bird, death, math, parrot
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