The best death jokes

Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
Vote:
has 32.18 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: bird, death, math, parrot
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
Vote:
has 32.12 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, school
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Vote:
has 31.97 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Vote:
has 31.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife. Boy:- papa mom has died. father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
Vote:
has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, wife
A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer. “Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.” “But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer. “Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”
Vote:
has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote:
has 30.11 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, sport, wife
Yo mama so fat she died.
Vote:
has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, fat, insulting
So this retarded blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay. The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills. So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well. In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills." So we told the Warden and he laughed he said: "you know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!" The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!" The blind couple said, "what happens to the fishes?" The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"
Vote:
has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, fish, health, prison, terrorist
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
<<<565758
More jokes →
Page 56 of 58.