A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
Vote:
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
A: A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.
He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
Vote:
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking?
A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
Count from one to ten.
That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
Vote:
Yo mama is so black, she died on the sun.
Vote: