A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
Hitler conquering another village while ww2 and he decided to give a chance for every woman in this village to save their families.
He made all men to stand naked one next to another in stright line and every woman have to find her husband by doing them bl*wjob.
First woman starts to suck and saying:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, Mine!"
It's turn out that she was right so they could walk away free.
Second woman starts to suck:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, MINE!"
True again so Hitler was deeply surprised and decided to stand in line between men of village.
Third woman starts to doing her job and saying:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine , not mine, not from this village, not mine...."
Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest.
Cecil ask, "What you doing?""
Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest.
Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it.
So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night."
All the women stood up and started to leave the class.
So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."
Two Generals were preparing for battle.
The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!"
The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform.
The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage.
The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"
Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" she replies with a smile.
"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
Received a call from a recruitment lady.
She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you."
Me: "Yes I Know."
*Awkward silence*
She: "Asshole"
Me: "I prefer the other one."
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."