The best dirty jokes

Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
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has 79.35 % from 607 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, sex
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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has 79.34 % from 508 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.
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has 79.28 % from 397 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 79.27 % from 475 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome
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has 79.22 % from 448 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers. They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find any jewelry from the girl.When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; “Did they take your new diamond ring as well dear?” “No Papa,” replied the girl with a grin, “I managed to hide it when they were searching you.” “Hide it? where?” asked the guy,” I saw them search you too.” “I slipped it into my… a… my . . .um…. pee pee place. ”said the girl shyly. “Damn!” swore the guy, “If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!”
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has 79.17 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, teen
Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate." Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
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has 79.16 % from 247 votes. More jokes about: dirty
4 reasons why I curse 1) Because I fucking want to. 2) Because I fucking can. 3) Because I don't give a fuck. 4) Because my mom isn't around.
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has 79.13 % from 446 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
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has 79.06 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I could never fight a gay guy. I don't know how to start. "I'm gonna beat your ass... I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up
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has 78.99 % from 1010 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, sex
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