Joke #11606

Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A: A sunken chest with no booty!
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dirty, pirate

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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
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has 66.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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has 57.03 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, the old man. "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …" said the old man, and then he stopped. "Except what?" asked the businessman. "Nothing, nothing," said the old man. "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" protested the businessman. "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick,'" the old man said. "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man said, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. The businessman said, "I'll take it!" The old man resisted and said it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
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has 81.77 % from 2329 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, life, sex, wife
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
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has 39.73 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food? A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, parrot, pirate
I saw a sign in a public toilet the other day. It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would have liked to have found it in." So I left it with a porn mag and a line of coke ...
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has 80.15 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women? A: men have an antenna!
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, women
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, pirate
Q: How did the pirate get through School? A: By sailing on high C's.
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has 73.31 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: pirate, school
Q: Do you know what happends with a nigger if he sticks up 12 varningssigns in his ass? A: He becomes a toblerone!
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has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black people, dirty, food