The best dirty jokes

Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."
Vote: has 71.56 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
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An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Vote: has 71.53 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, dirty, old people, romantic, sex
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, communication, dirty, sex
What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? No ball room.
Vote: has 71.45 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
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Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt, men, women
Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
Vote: has 71.39 % from 131 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "firetruck"! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!
Vote: has 71.37 % from 697 votes. Send joke:
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After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Vote: has 71.35 % from 91 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks? A: Better traction.
Vote: has 71.29 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt? A: Self-employed.
Vote: has 71.22 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
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