Pr*stitute in the police station. The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?" She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."
What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "firetruck"! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.