Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?" A: "Spit and swallow."
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?" His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Two guys are in a bar. "Hey, I've got an idea -- let's play 'Twenty Questions!'" "'Twenty Questions?' How do you play?" "You ask me questions and try to guess what I'm thinking of." "Okay. But you have to write down what you're thinking of so I know you're not cheating." The man agrees, and writes down 'moosecock' on a small piece of paper. "Okay, I got a question. Does it taste good?" "Uhh...I guess so." "Is it moosecock?"
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.