The best dirty jokes

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
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has 70.78 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes to a taxi driver and asks: I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free. Fuck off, no money, no ride. The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday. He goes to the first taxi and says: Will you take me home for 100$ Sure! But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well Fuck off, man.. The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says: Will you take me home for 100$? Sure! Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.
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has 70.75 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom. Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?" "My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
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has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, mean, relationship, sex
boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)
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has 70.68 % from 322 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!" Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
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has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, mean, men, women
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
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has 70.52 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
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has 70.49 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws wide. The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again. The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker. Everybody in the bar is very impressed. To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!" But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars. Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice: "I think I can do it!" Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!" The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, money, sex
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