The best dirty jokes

Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."
Vote:
has 71.80 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
Vote:
has 71.80 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze. As soon as he is severed he slams it down. And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila. So the bat tender pours the tequila. And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin. The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating? The young man nods, and says quietly mt first blow job. The bartender smiles and says I remember my first. The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?
Vote:
has 71.64 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face? A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Vote:
has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws wide. The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again. The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker. Everybody in the bar is very impressed. To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!" But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars. Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice: "I think I can do it!" Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!" The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"
Vote:
has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, money, sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Vote:
has 71.46 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation, sex
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!' And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
Vote:
has 71.41 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, war, women
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
Vote:
has 71.39 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, sex
A mother without any pant was playing with her son. The boy pointing to her mother's pussy asked: "Mammy, what is that dark wooly between your feet? Mother: "My sweet that is a brush." Son: "Where is it's bundle?" Mother: "In your daddy's pant."
Vote:
has 71.36 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
Vote:
has 71.34 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: dirty
<<<37383940
More jokes →
Page 37 of 93.