The best dirty jokes

Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
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has 69.84 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, flirt, food, sex
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table has no balls.
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has 69.83 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, lesbian
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
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has 69.79 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
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has 69.73 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug
A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?" His friend nods. "Sure." "Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..." He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin. His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment. "Dude, that is not cool." The doctor, indignant, defended himself. "What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients." His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
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has 69.67 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, dirty, doctor, friendship
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 69.66 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
A mother without any pant was playing with her son. The boy pointing to her mother's pussy asked: "Mammy, what is that dark wooly between your feet? Mother: "My sweet that is a brush." Son: "Where is it's bundle?" Mother: "In your daddy's pant."
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has 69.66 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
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has 69.60 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
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has 69.59 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, sex
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest. The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out. So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out. Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
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has 69.55 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, dirty, elephant
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