The best dirty jokes

Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Vote: has 64.67 % from 238 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, wife
One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

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Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, single
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, dirty, math, technology
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
Vote: has 64.26 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, insulting, love, mean, poems
What is difference between woman and condom? None :-) Both of them spend more time in your wallet...than on your d*ck !
Vote: has 64.21 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

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I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
Vote: has 64.18 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty