The best dirty jokes

My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.

A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? A: He heard the snow blower coming.

Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."

What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common? They both get harder the longer you play with them.

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"

Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!