I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that."
Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!"
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She hold up a finger and says, “That big?”
He says, “Bigger.”
She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?"
"No, why?"
"Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York.
At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady.
What are both men thinking?
Don't look down.
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day.
She showed it to me, and it was BDSM.
She asked me "What we should do?"
Me: "Probably not spank him."
She belted me with the magazine.
Now I know where he gets it from.
Vote:
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom?
One you go in the other you come in!