The best dirty jokes

What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.
Vote: has 70.83 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
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Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
Vote: has 70.81 % from 136 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Vote: has 70.78 % from 97 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
Vote: has 70.75 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
Vote: has 70.73 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
Vote: has 70.45 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
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Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
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Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt, men, women
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."
Vote: has 70.39 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, school, sex


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