The best dirty jokes

A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands." The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"

Whats the difference between Paris Hilton and a bowling ball? You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.

"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.

Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.