The best disgusting jokes

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
Vote: has 80.99 % from 140 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food, money
What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Vote: has 80.87 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, disgusting
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
Vote: has 80.86 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
Vote: has 80.74 % from 439 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, little Johnny, teacher
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
Vote: has 80.58 % from 231 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, dog, drunk, party, wife
Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
Vote: has 80.45 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as salesmen. Each day, two of the guys sell twenty toothbrushes each, and the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous, but they can't figure out his secret. Then, one day, they run into him at the mall, where he's set up a tobacco dip sample table. "This is your secret?" says the first guy. "Try some dip," says the third. They both take a little bit o' dip. "Ech!" says the second guy. "This tastes like s**t!" "It is s**t. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"
Vote: has 80.19 % from 215 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, work
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 80.12 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel."
Vote: has 79.87 % from 267 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, dirty, disgusting, navy, sex
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 79.80 % from 177 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, black humor, disgusting, life, sex