Joke #6688

Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.  The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go. The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.

What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.

A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband looked confused again. He asked the clerk, “What the hell do I do with these damn things?” The clerk replied, “Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything.” The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered. "What?" asked the clerk. "Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for years, and he ain't won a damn thing."

Friend 1: "I like my women how I like my milk." Friend 2: "What? White?" Friend 1: "No, expired."

Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?" A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"

Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget? A: Wow! Your hair smells good!