The best disgusting jokes

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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has 76.34 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A drunk guy is sitting at a bar by himself one night and throws up all over the front of his shirt. "Oh great, my wife is going to kill me," he mumbles to himself. The guy sitting next to him sees what has happened and leans over towards him, "Hey buddy, just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife the guy sitting next to you threw up on you and he gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned." Completely inebriated the drunk man thanks his new friend and puts a twenty in his shirt pocket and heads for home. As soon as he walks through the front door his wife becomes irate and starts yelling at him, "Where have you been? you're completely drunk and you're a mess. Look at yourself, you puked all over the front of your shirt." Completely wasted and slurring his words he explains to the wife, "No no, the guy sitting next to me threw up on my shirt and he gave me $20 to get it cleaned. Look, it's right here in my shirt pocket." The wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the money, "There's $40 in here." "Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too."
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has 76.21 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, disgusting
Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."
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has 75.98 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, old people
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.
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has 75.63 % from 269 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, sport
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
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has 75.62 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, drunk, party, wife
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
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has 75.46 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 75.21 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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has 75.16 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
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has 74.97 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, food
A doctor complains to his colleagues about the sanitary problems at a latex glove factory in Mexico. "Workers stick their hands in melted latex and then dip their hands in a vat of cooling water to solidify the latex. The glove is then thrown in a finished products box." His colleagues are disgusted by the lack of care taken in keeping the gloves sanitary. "That's not all," says the doctor. "You don't even want to know how they make their condoms!"
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has 74.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
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