Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned." The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.
One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!” The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo? A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"