The best divorce jokes

"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
Vote: has 71.25 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, husband, lawyer, money
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, life
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, mean, money, time
A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce. The priest was surprised. "Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about." The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned." "Ah"” said the priest, "a parable." "In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, love, men, priest, wife
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Vote: has 64.52 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, divorce, food, husband, women
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me." The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, family, sport
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, doctor, life, relationship