The best divorce jokes

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy...." The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, divorce, genie, travel
I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, money, time
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce. The priest was surprised. "Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about." The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned." "Ah"” said the priest, "a parable." "In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: divorce, love, men, priest, wife
Q: Why is divorce so costly? A: Because its justified, despite all the trouble.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: divorce, money
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, car, divorce, men, wife
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: divorce, doctor, life, relationship
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
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