The best divorce jokes

"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Vote: has 70.02 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, divorce, food, husband, women
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage, money
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me." The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, family, sport
A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce. The priest was surprised. "Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about." The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned." "Ah"” said the priest, "a parable." "In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, love, men, priest, wife
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, car, divorce, men, wife
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll? A: All Ken's stuff.
Vote: has 55.11 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, light bulb, men