The best divorce jokes

Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage, money
Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."
Vote: has 53.83 % from 126 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage
Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced." The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces." The first man replies, "No, I just got married".
Vote: has 52.48 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, light bulb, men
Signs You're No Longer in College... You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. Your potted plants stay alive. You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill. Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces. You attend parties that the police don't raid. You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking. You refer to college students as "those kids." You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza. At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out. Naps are no longer weekday options. Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy. Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips. You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Vote: has 51.13 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: college, divorce, food, marriage, money
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, divorce, marriage, wife, women
Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
Vote: has 44.95 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, redneck