Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not? Wife: What? Me: An Eggnogstic. Wife: This is grounds for divorce.
Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? A: He thought his wife was a flake.
Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence? Answer: Divorced.