An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.” The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
Q: What is another name for a gynecologist? A: A private investigator.
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."