The best doctor jokes

Q: What is another name for a gynecologist? A: A private investigator.
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: doctor, work
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.” The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”
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has 67.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, doctor, love
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Dear God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, mean
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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has 67.39 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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has 67.39 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
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