Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
"Doctor, I have a problem..." "What’s your problem?" "I pee in my sleep, every night!" "Why?" "Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we pee today?”. "And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'" "And that will cut it off?" "Sure! Like a knife!" At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered; "Did we pee today?" "Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy. And little devil replied: "What about poop?"
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?" The patient: "Yes." The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money." Doctor: "And how it is possible?" The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
Q: What is another name for a gynecologist? A: A private investigator.
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?