Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the lightbulb must really want to change.
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Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1. "What's a light bulb?"
A2. One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
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A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None because they screw each other the dirty fucks.
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Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them cause they will never see the light.
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Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 200. Ten to attach the bulb to the sun, and 190 to make the sun revolve around the Earth.
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Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
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An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him.
"Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina.
In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.
When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out."
The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50.
After a long pause, the couple agreed.
The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in.
After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?"
The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."