Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the lightbulb must really want to change.
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Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ?
Doctor: I deal with you later.
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A: Wet noses.
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him.
"Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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Dan staggers into the shower.
He notices that his d**k is bright orange.
He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor.
After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?"
Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
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Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 200. Ten to attach the bulb to the sun, and 190 to make the sun revolve around the Earth.
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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
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A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead.
Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog.
The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head.
"There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead".
Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion.
The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat.
The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head.
"It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes.
"That will be L1000, please".
"A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man.
"Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.
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