The best doctor jokes

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins. Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. "OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom." The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees. So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain. The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?" "That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
Vote: has 68.66 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, disgusting, doctor, holiday, husband
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Vote: has 68.56 % from 97 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, game, soccer, sport
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, food, life
Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, life
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Vote: has 68.15 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
Vote: has 68.14 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: computer, doctor, stupid, technology, Yo mama
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
Vote: has 68.12 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, kids, school, teacher
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, math, old people
Yo' Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, work, Yo mama
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, money


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