The best doctor jokes

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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has 67.39 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
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has 67.39 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat, doctor, political
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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has 67.39 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
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has 67.17 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
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has 67.13 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, doctor, military, navy
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
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has 66.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, food, jewish
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: doctor, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: beer, doctor, sex, time, wife
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
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