The best doctor jokes

Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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has 67.39 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
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has 67.39 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, doctor, military, navy
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
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has 67.17 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?" The patient: "Yes." The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money." Doctor: "And how it is possible?" The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: doctor, horse, money
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 67.10 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: beer, doctor, sex, time, wife
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Guy goes to his psychiatrist and says "I'm in love with my dog." "Well that is not so unusual, millions of people love their dogs." "But doctor, you don't understand. I'm physically attracted to my dog. I'm in love with my dog." "Well, is your dog male or female?" "Female, of course, what the hell do you think I am, queer?"
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, dog, love
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Dear God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, mean
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