The best doctor jokes

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, doctor, dog, money
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, food, Halloween
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, democrat, doctor, political
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor". The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news". The doctor replies, "He's dead".
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, ginger
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?  A: She liked kids...
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More jokes about: animal, blonde, doctor, kids
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.68 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
Yo' Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, work, Yo mama