The best doctor jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, money
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, doctor, mother in law
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, doctor, life
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, doctor, dog, money
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Vote: has 68.19 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, game, soccer, sport
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
Vote: has 67.98 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, kids, school, teacher
Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, elf, Santa
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time