The best doctor jokes

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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has 71.30 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, party
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.” “Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.” A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!” “I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!” “That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, flirt, game, sex
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: car, doctor, life
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dad, doctor, kids
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but the lightbulb must really want to change.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, light bulb
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl. Each one tries to get rid of the other. Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week. Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there. When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, food, love, teacher
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