The best doctor jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
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has 69.52 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: doctor, kids, school, teacher
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.” “Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.” A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!” “I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!” “That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
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has 69.31 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, doctor, wife
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
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has 68.83 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, doctor, military, navy
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life. The doctor recommends Viagra. They come back and see him in a couple of weeks. The doctor says "how was the Viagra?" The wife says "great I love it." Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, sex, viagra
Q: What is another name for a gynecologist? A: A private investigator.
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: doctor, work
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!" Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
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has 68.41 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, health, stupid
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 68.37 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
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