The best doctor jokes

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
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has 66.34 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat, doctor, political
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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has 66.27 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 66.18 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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has 65.94 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
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has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, food, jewish
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, mother in law
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, money
Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things." Doctor: "I understand." Patient: "Understand what?"
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, memory
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