The best doctor jokes

A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote:
has 66.41 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
"Doctor, I have a problem..." "What’s your problem?" "I pee in my sleep, every night!" "Why?" "Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we pee today?”. "And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'" "And that will cut it off?" "Sure! Like a knife!" At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered; "Did we pee today?" "Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy. And little devil replied: "What about poop?"
Vote:
has 66.27 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Vote:
has 66.09 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Vote:
has 65.94 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
Vote:
has 65.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, money
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I’m here for a urine test."
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, kids
Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things." Doctor: "I understand." Patient: "Understand what?"
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, memory
Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift." Doctor: "Tell her to come in." Romi: "I cannot" Doctor: "Why so?" Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."
Vote:
has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
Vote:
has 65.30 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: doctor, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
<<<17181920
More jokes →
Page 17 of 33.