The best doctor jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
Vote: has 67.34 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: computer, doctor, stupid, technology, Yo mama
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.” The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”
Vote: has 67.31 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, dirty, doctor, love
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
Vote: has 67.20 % from 110 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, doctor, sex, time, wife
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, food, life
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, doctor
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor


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