The best doctor jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, money, time
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.” The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”
Vote: has 67.31 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, dirty, doctor, love
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
Vote: has 67.20 % from 110 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, money
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, god, life
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, doctor
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women


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