The best doctor jokes

Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: computer, doctor, stupid, technology, Yo mama
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, money
A Grandmother was checking out her grand-daughters grasp of colours and tested her regularly. She would ask her and the grand-daughter would always get the colour right. One day as we were heading to the doctors she turned to her Grandma and said "Don’t you think it’s time you tried to figure some of these out for yourself?"
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, old people
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.94 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things." Doctor: "I understand." Patient: "Understand what?"
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, memory
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, hunting, mean, time
Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !" Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?" Man says "no, I spill most of it !"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, doctor


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