The best doctor jokes

A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
Vote: has 62.39 % from 101 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, insulting, management, office, stupid
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."
Vote: has 61.35 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, doctor, sex
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life
A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, medical, tax
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Lately I have a big problem with my memory." The psychiatrist asks Johny: "And how does it demonstrate concretely?" Johny: "What?"
Vote: has 59.93 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, little Johnny, memory
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, work
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life


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