The best doctor jokes

A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, men
The woman comes with her husband to the psychiatrist and tells the psychiatrist: "Please, do something with my man, because he thinks of himself that he is a horse." The psychiatrist says: "Oh, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The woman: "Ok, don´t worry, we can enough money because my husband has already won three times the horse racings."
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, horse, marriage, money
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people, sex, viagra
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?  A: She liked kids...
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, doctor, kids
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, insulting, management, office, stupid
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Lately I have a big problem with my memory." The psychiatrist asks Johny: "And how does it demonstrate concretely?" Johny: "What?"
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, little Johnny, memory
One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an HIV blood test. While there, his blood got drawn and he then left. Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the HIV test. Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gay guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely HIV positive." The gay guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?" The doctor says to the gay dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of chips, and 20 gallons of ice cream." The gay then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my HIV, doctor?" The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your HIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your asshole is really for."
Vote: has 59.41 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, gay, health, sex


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