The best doctor jokes

Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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has 79.95 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, old people
When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor exclaimed, "It's a man!"
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has 79.71 % from 368 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
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has 79.48 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, fat, sport
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
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has 79.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
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has 79.43 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, doctor
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
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has 79.18 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: doctor, math, old people
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
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has 79.10 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
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has 79.09 % from 476 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”
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has 78.89 % from 446 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, fart, food
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