The best doctor jokes

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup. “No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.” "Do you want a room with or without a view?"
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More jokes about: doctor, life
An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
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More jokes about: doctor, health, old people
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out. After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...". The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, old people, women
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dad, doctor, military, navy
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic
Doctor: "Liquor is a slow poison for you." Patient: "It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry."
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More jokes about: alcohol, doctor
When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
A woman walks into her sex thearapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it? The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens. The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills? The therapist replies she dosn’t know but says to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before. She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills? The therapist once again tells her to give it a try. The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better. She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle? The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle would do to a person. The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee. A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: "Are you the “idiot” who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra?" "Why yes young man I did?" "Why?" "Well mom’s dead, my sister’s Pregnant, my A– Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, 'here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…'”
Vote: has 76.54 % from 137 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, husband, sex, women
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, Halloween
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!" Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, doctor, health, stupid