The best doctor jokes

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
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has 78.00 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, doctor, sex, women
Doctor: "Liquor is a slow poison for you." Patient: "It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry."
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has 77.76 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
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has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, doctor, military, navy
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, Halloween
In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness. He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness. After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, work
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food
Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?" Patient: "What pills?"
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, memory
A 64-year-old lady never had any kids, so she went to her doctor and asked if he would help her with in-vitro fertilization. He said, "You're a little old, but I guess we could give it a try." A few months later she got pregnant. She invited her girlfriends over to see the baby, and they all very anxious to see the baby boy. The newly mother said, "why don't we just talk awhile." As time went on, her friends asked again and again where is the baby... She said, "We never get a chance to talk, and here is our chance to catch up!" Finally they insisted on seeing him. She said, "Well, we'll just have to wait until he cries before you all can see him." The women were puzzled. And she said, "I don't remember where I put him."
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, doctor, memory, time
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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has 77.47 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
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has 77.37 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic