The best doctor jokes

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Vote:
has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
Vote:
has 78.50 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, old people
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
Vote:
has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: doctor, hospital, life, music
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
Vote:
has 78.00 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, doctor, sex, women
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote:
has 77.98 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Doctor: "Liquor is a slow poison for you." Patient: "It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry."
Vote:
has 77.76 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote:
has 77.66 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness. He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness. After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
Vote:
has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, work
Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out. After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?" "Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!" "What do you brush with?" asked the dentist. "Preparation H," said the redneck.
Vote:
has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, medical, redneck, stupid
Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?" Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, life
<<<78910
More jokes →
Page 7 of 32.