The best dog jokes

A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She called the police immediately to report the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder. She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning. "What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer. The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"
Vote: has 59.75 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, cop, dog, work
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, phone
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!". The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, game
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, disgusting, dog, food, marriage
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
Vote: has 55.87 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dog
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
Vote: has 55.44 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, death, dog
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Vote: has 55.19 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.
Vote: has 55.13 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, dog, game, morbid