The best dog jokes

Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Vote: has 48.59 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.
Vote: has 47.21 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dog, wife, women
A mother and her son are sitting on an airplane, which is ready to take off. The son admires the parked plains’ through the window. At one point, he turns to his mother, which was reading a magazine, and pops the question: "Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?" The child’s mother, bored to think of a reasonable answer, consultant him to ask the flight attendant. Therefore, it happened: "Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?" little boy asks the flight attendant. Then, with a smile on her face, stewardess replied: "Did your mom told you to ask me?" The boy shook his head positively. So, she says back: "Tell your mother, that our company knows better and.. pulls out in time!"
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, cat, dog, kids
Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street? Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dog
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Vote: has 42.47 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, internet, IT