The best dog jokes

A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
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has 55.64 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, marriage
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.
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has 55.01 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, dog, game, morbid
I have got a new dog. We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command. My dog can be proud of myself.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: dog, time
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, phone
I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dog
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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has 52.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dog
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog