The best dog jokes

I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dog
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
Vote: has 59.12 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, dog, wine
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can. Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches? A: Same reason.
Vote: has 57.27 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, dog
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when she walks the dog, they both use the same bush.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dog, Yo mama
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, phone
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
Vote: has 56.65 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.
Vote: has 56.56 % from 132 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, dog, game, morbid