The best dog jokes

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
Vote: has 54.14 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, death, dog
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Vote: has 52.64 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, marriage
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Vote: has 52.41 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, science
There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs. Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him. They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do. So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, blonde, dog, love
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Vote: has 51.56 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Vote: has 51.55 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.
Vote: has 50.34 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, dog, game, morbid
How much do I owe Yo' Mama? My dog came home happy last night.
Vote: has 49.86 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, Yo mama