The best family jokes

Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, family, stupid
You know you're a redneck when your mom, dad, aunt, and uncle are two people.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: family, redneck
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, life, school
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
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has 68.56 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
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has 68.26 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, family, men, money, women
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Guilt is a dish best served by Mom.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: family
Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy? A: The park bench can support a family.
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has 66.68 % from 407 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, racist
Once a doctor dies. He was a heart specialist. At the funeral, his family members and friends make a special coffin on which there is a heart. A man laughs. Another man asks him why he laughed. He says, "I am a gyno I wonder what they will do on my funeral."
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has 66.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, doctor, family, funeral
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