The best family jokes

When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college. So my parents sent me to dog training school. I learned a lot when I was there. Sit, stay, roll over. I haven't quite got the fetching part down. They say I'm a little rough around the edges.
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, money, school, teacher
Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal? Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"
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has 68.37 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: family, little Johnny, mean, old people, teacher
Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy? A: The park bench can support a family.
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has 68.02 % from 378 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, racist
Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: family, friendship, insulting, school
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: family, health, medical
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the 
second fan. "If they made more of 
an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, 
I'd be supporting a decent team."
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: family, football, geography, management, sport
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 67.50 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: age, family, men, money, women
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?" "Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
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has 66.98 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: birthday, family, little Johnny
Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "So, why is their dad carrying that rifle?"
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: church, family, Thanksgiving
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