Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.