I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy. They see two dogs going at it. The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?" The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy." That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama! The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?" He says "Oh, were making it a baby." The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. "However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk. "In-stinct," replied Out.
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.