The best family jokes

When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, family, geography, life, money
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
Vote: has 61.48 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, dad, family, IT
Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, food, religious, Yo mama
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me." The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, family, sport
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?" "Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, family, little Johnny
Yo Momma's so fat that when she sits on the beach, whales swim up to her and sing "We are family…!"
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, fat, Yo mama
The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, hunting, lawyer
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
Vote: has 59.09 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, family, food, life, racist
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
Vote: has 58.87 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family