The best family jokes

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Your mama is so ugly that I guess you can say that the genes passed down.
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: family, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, time, work
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, dirty, family, stupid
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, family
A man and wife were making love. When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away. Mom said "You better fix this now." The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma. The dad screamed "What the fuck." The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, family, kids, sex
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: family, Fathers day, holiday
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, family, mexican
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, family, fart, nurse, old people
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