The best family jokes

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me." The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: divorce, family, sport
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, family, geography, life, money
Once Odhiambo a dark kenyan man was travelling to london by air sitting next to a white lady with his pet monkey. Oodhiambo stood up and went to the washrooms and when he came back he found his bunch of bananas missing. He asked the white lady "Sorry your brother here ate them all" she said while patting the monkey. After a while the lady got up and went to the washroom to come back and find his pet monkey dead She inquired on the matter, Odhiambo camly replied "I killed it." "Why?" asked the lady. He replied "This is family matter it doesnt concern you."
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has 58.42 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, family, racist, travel
As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
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has 58.05 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: family, marriage, sex, wedding
Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree. He's been hanging there for quite a while.
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has 57.18 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: black humor, black people, family
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop. Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk. The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop." The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?" The little boy again said, "No Bishop." The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?" The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: church, family, life
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, kids
On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony. The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight." "There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter." "That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
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has 56.41 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: family, god, marriage, wedding
Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for? A: Black Family Inside.
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has 55.74 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, racist
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