The best family jokes

Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: family, flirt, sex
Johny has lately written a short email to his brother while asking him only one question in this email: Hi brother, I am writing to you, I only would like to know, tell me: How is your fianceé? The Johny´s brother reply was only: Hi John, her brother is doing well.
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, family, wedding
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck. The father says "okay, you know what to do." Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick." The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, family, redneck, sex
Father: In life you can never be certain about anything. Son: Really dad, are you sure? Father: I'm certain.
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: family
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: family, food, kids, mean, money
Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
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has 50.06 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: family, game, kids, little Johnny, mean
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, family, food
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
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has 48.79 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 48.65 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
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has 48.41 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
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