The best family jokes

The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, hunting, lawyer
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: age, family, sport, wedding
Father: In life you can never be certain about anything. Son: Really dad, are you sure? Father: I'm certain.
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: family
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
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has 49.00 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
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has 48.98 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: family, little Johnny, school
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: airplane, Christmas, family, kids
Q: What do you throw to a drowning black man? A: The rest of his family.
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has 47.62 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, racist
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, family, food
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
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