The best family jokes

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 48.55 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world? A: Grandma of a vegan.
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, old people
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 43.43 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Vote: has 43.40 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family? A: The Sole inbred.
Vote: has 43.40 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, racist, redneck
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
Vote: has 37.92 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, family, military
Jesus is the son of God. God is the son of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 37.68 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, family, golf
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she went to a family reunion looking for a boyfriend.
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, relationship, Yo mama