The best family jokes

One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: family, food, kids, mean, money
Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family? A: The Sole inbred.
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has 43.42 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: family, racist, redneck
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world? A: Grandma of a vegan.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: family, old people
Three men stranded on an island. They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie. The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick." So they thought about what they were going to wish for. The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family." So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said "I wish I was in the pub with my mates." So he was gone. The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."
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has 40.15 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: desert island, family, friendship, genie
Jesus is the son of God. God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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has 39.81 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, family, golf
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she went to a family reunion looking for a boyfriend.
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: family, relationship, Yo mama
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, family, military
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