The best family jokes

Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: airplane, Christmas, family, kids
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 46.76 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10. And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10". The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: family, math, memory, teacher
Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"
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has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: family, little Johnny, school
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family? A: The Sole inbred.
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has 45.48 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: family, racist, redneck
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world? A: Grandma of a vegan.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: family, old people
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Q: What do you throw to a drowning black man? A: The rest of his family.
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has 42.19 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, racist
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