The best family jokes

Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
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has 48.27 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: family, game, kids, little Johnny, mean
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
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has 48.25 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, family
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 47.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10. And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10". The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: family, math, memory, teacher
Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family? A: The Sole inbred.
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has 46.43 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: family, racist, redneck
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"
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has 44.67 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: family, little Johnny, school
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