The best family jokes

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family? A: The Sole inbred.
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has 42.26 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: family, racist, redneck
Jesus is the son of God. God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, family, golf
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world? A: Grandma of a vegan.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: family, old people
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she went to a family reunion looking for a boyfriend.
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: family, relationship, Yo mama
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, family, military
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. "Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills." "I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." "I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to." A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert - you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
In my village, it is not usual, ordinary, even normal that somebody would go to work. Even though there is one person in our village who goes to work on a regular basis. In the morning when he goes to work the whole village accompanies him, men, women, children, grannies and grandpas and in the evening when he goes back from work the whole village welcomes him back. We all are smiling at him and we are waving at him with the bunches of purple lilac flowers for example during this period of time, April, May.
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has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: family, time, work
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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has 15.13 % from 267 votes. More jokes about: dad, disgusting, dog, family
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