If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
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Jesus is the son of God.
God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children.
We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt.
When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?"
My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone.
"We'll go in the limousine dummy."
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236.
It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
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Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.
Bruce Wayne first tried wearing a Chuck Norris mask to inspire fear, until he saw himself in the mirror.
He immediately changed to the Batman
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There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is...
Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
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Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?
The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say.
His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?"
He says"Quack quack Mummy."
His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right."
She says "What does a dog say?"
He says "Woof woof Mummy."
She says "Very good."
She says "What does a cat say?"
He says "Meow meow Mummy."
She says "Yes that's right."
Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go."
His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?"
The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says."
Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"