The best family jokes

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
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has 81.26 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: family, health, weed
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 80.45 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
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has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, family, work
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'" "What’s your name?” she asked. He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
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has 80.34 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: car, family, golf, men, women
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 79.95 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: family, life
A kid was crying standing outside his house. A passer by asked: "Why are you crying?" Kid: "My parents are fighting inside the house." Passer by: "Who is your father?" Kid: "That is what the fight is about."
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has 79.85 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: family, kids
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
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has 79.83 % from 990 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision. After careful consideration, he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties. The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note: "This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove. These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely." I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again." When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me." Love, Cuddle Bear PS: The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.
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has 79.73 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, love, time, Valentines day
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
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has 79.60 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
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