The best family jokes

Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room. She showed it to her husband when he got home. He handed it back to her without a word. She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?" "Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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has 81.67 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
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has 81.58 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, mother in law, wedding
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 81.55 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: family, life
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
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has 81.22 % from 485 votes. More jokes about: family, geek, IT, kids
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
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has 80.94 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: car, dad, family, kids
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
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has 80.84 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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has 80.46 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: communication, family, kids, life
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
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has 80.33 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, fat, sport
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.
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has 80.30 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: family, redneck, relationship
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
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has 80.02 % from 1042 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
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