The best family jokes

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
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has 81.30 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: car, dad, family, kids
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
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has 80.97 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" ‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent, "An Angel brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the angel brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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has 80.79 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, teacher
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 80.62 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: family, life
An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…" "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: age, family, husband, lawyer, money
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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has 80.48 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: communication, family, kids, life
Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room. She showed it to her husband when he got home. He handed it back to her without a word. She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?" "Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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has 80.45 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
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has 80.15 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: family, health, weed
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
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has 80.15 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, fat, sport
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
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has 79.78 % from 1024 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
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