The best family jokes

Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room. She showed it to her husband when he got home. He handed it back to her without a word. She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?" "Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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has 81.32 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
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has 81.22 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" ‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent, "An Angel brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the angel brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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has 81.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, teacher
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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has 81.16 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: communication, family, kids, life
You're a redneck if: -You have more fingers than you do teeth -You cut your grass and find a car -You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant -Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors -Your age is higher than your I.Q. -Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?" -You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear." -You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up. -You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital. -Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
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has 81.15 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: car, family, hospital, redneck, stupid
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 80.94 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: family, life
An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…" "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"
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has 80.88 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: age, family, husband, lawyer, money
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
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has 79.86 % from 1028 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
6 year old kid looking at Mom's ID card. Sex: F He laughs. Mom: "Whats so funny?" Kid: "I can't believe you're so bad in sex that you failed in it." Husband died laughing.
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has 79.63 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, sex, wife
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