The best family jokes

There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, nerd
Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal? Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"
Vote: has 75.38 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, little Johnny, mean, old people, teacher
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.
Vote: has 75.28 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, redneck, relationship
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, family
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, family, Halloween, time
You're a redneck if: -You have more fingers than you do teeth -You cut your grass and find a car -You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant -Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors -Your age is higher than your I.Q. -Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?" -You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear." -You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up. -You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital. -Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, family, hospital, redneck, stupid
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
Vote: has 74.85 % from 256 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation. After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump. The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it. The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Vote: has 74.31 % from 331 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, sex
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote: has 74.14 % from 499 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny