The best family jokes

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote: has 74.62 % from 517 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
Vote: has 74.61 % from 288 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
Vote: has 74.61 % from 108 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, family, marriage, sex, wife
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Vote: has 74.28 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, family, kids, technology
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation. After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump. The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it. The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Vote: has 74.12 % from 341 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, sex
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
Vote: has 73.68 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, family, fat, sport
When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, family
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck? A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, mean, redneck


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