The best family jokes

The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, family, men, money, women
Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "So, why is their dad carrying that rifle?"
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, family, Thanksgiving
An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…" "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, family, husband, lawyer, money
Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy? A: The park bench can support a family.
Vote: has 68.72 % from 277 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, family, racist
Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree. He's been hanging there for quite a while.
Vote: has 68.66 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, black people, family
Q: Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? A: All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, family, redneck
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, fart, nurse, old people
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Vote: has 67.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, marriage, redneck
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, Fathers day, holiday