The best family jokes

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
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has 75.19 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: family, nerd
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, family, kids, technology
Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: family, love, money
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation. After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump. The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it. The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
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has 74.60 % from 352 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, sex
Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !" Ramu: "It's a family tradition". Teacher: "What do you mean?" Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher: "What about your mother?" Ramu: "She's a woman".
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has 74.59 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: family, school, teacher, women
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 74.27 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
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has 73.80 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: family, political, time, women, work
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
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has 73.65 % from 306 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
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