The best family jokes

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, "No, but I have done 53 that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
Vote: has 76.92 % from 294 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, sex
Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bible, family, geek, IT
When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college. So my parents sent me to dog training school. I learned a lot when I was there. Sit, stay, roll over. I haven't quite got the fetching part down. They say I'm a little rough around the edges.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, graduation, money, school, teacher
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, mean
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
Vote: has 75.60 % from 228 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, food, insulting
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation. After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump. The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it. The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Vote: has 74.28 % from 318 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, sex
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, nerd